Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

Best seats in the house: Kate and Wills naturally had the hottest seats in the room:
"No one needs another picture of you, darling."

Monday, February 27, 2017

Oscar Slam 17

It's the biggest night of the year, Possums!!! Can you even believe that the Oscars have arrived?  Did you watch (I didn't)?  Wasn't it great (I have no idea)?  The dresses (YES!)!  So awesome (and so awful)!

Full disclosure, I've had a single (three) glass of wine so I might be a little too honest as we travel the Land of Pretty People...


Let's go!

Image result for octavia spencer oscars 17:
Octavia Spencer
Gorgeous color (is it gray? is it lavender? do I care? No!), love how feminine and soft and fun and feathery!

Viola Davis
is BRINGING it! Great color, amazing design, so simple and so wow!

Nicole Kidman
A mandala as a dress? No.

Chrissy Thiegen
Okay, full disclosure, I don't understand her job. Is she just, like, married to John Legend and also funny?  Because I don't see her in movies or TV (except that karaoke thing that I should absolutely audition for) so I don't understand why she's everywhere.  In any case, I'm not digging this, even though I really want to because, as previously mentioned, she's awesome.  Why are so many ladies channeling the Amish this year?  I'm not saying they need to go full sternum but a little skin would be okay.

Dakota Johnson
Case in point.  Soooo Amish.  Shoulder pads AND a pelvic bow?  Please.  No.  Joan Crawford and her hangers are not welcome here.

Scarlett Johanson
At first I thought not bad, but not amazing.  I like her hair.  I think this should be my next cut.  But then the more I looked the more I was really bummed by how much this looks like someone's curtains from their first apartment where they were really into trying new things, before their mom visited for the first time and said, "Oh, honey. No."

Brie Larson
I think I would have loved this if it had been a color. The big ruffles are fun and offset the very aggressive and pointy bodice in a playful way.  If it had only been red velvet.

Halle Berry
I cannot put my finger on why but I do not love this.  It looks like someone threw a little netting over a perfectly gorgeous gown and called it a day.

Charlize Theron
Not bad. But not memorable.

Salma Hayek
Wow, someone's had some work done.  And she's wearing black.  Color me disappointed.

Laura Dern
I like this but the extra straps are a little distracting.

Michelle Williams
And there's the sternum I was just wondering about.  In a dress that is boring as the day is LONG.

Emma Stone
This is another reminder never to wear clothes the same color as your skin.  Or lampshades.

Kirstin Dunst
Love the necklace, the dress looks weirdly padded in front (and it's boring black) but pockets!

Jessica Biel
I have been successfully ignoring this woman for YEARS but J. Tim keeps showing up with her on red carpets so I guess I have to finally review what she's wearing. Unfortunately for her, my review is not nice.  What in God's name is up with her gold cammo and that awful fringe necklace? Next year, please stay home, Jess.  Also, Amish much?

Image result for ruth negga oscars 17:
Ruth Negga
(Okay, first, if you haven't already binge-watched Preacher, stop what you're doing and get at that first.) What the HELL?  Are you Amish now, too? Come ON!

Janelle Monae
It looks like a piece of artwork had a kid with someone's ice dancing costume, which means I'm not sure it works as a gown... the giant poofs are kind of ruining it for me. I really love her hair piece, though.  That doesn't sound right.  Her headband?  That sounds so middle school.  Head piece!  That's it.  I like it. Very Roman.

Alicia Vikander
It fits her well, and I like the necklace and capped sleeves, I just wish it had been a color.

Leslie Mann
It's good but is she channeling Emma Watson as the new live-action Belle? I think maybe yes.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for:


Ginnifer Goodwin
Holy hell, it looks like Satan himself dressed her.

And of course, finally, BEST IN SHOW:

Taraji P. Hensen
Outstanding Old Hollywood glam. She is clearly channeling Marilyn and she's killing it; absolutely amazing.

And that's all she wrote, Chickens!  Until next time I'm sending love and kisses to all the stuff in your closets. Mwah!!

Royal Caption Slam

Duchess Kate: UPDATED: The Cambridges Make Their Debut at the Chelsea Flower Show:
"Could someone please keep these peasants away from me?  The smell..."

Friday, February 24, 2017

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Monday, February 20, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

hrhduchesskate: Visit to EACH (East Anglia Children's Hospice), Norfolk, January 24, 2017-The Duchess of Cambridge spoke with schoolchildren:
"Who is the peasant giving me side-eye? She knows I'm the boss of you all now, right?"

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

Why Prince William never wears a ring Yahoo7 Be - Yahoo7:
"In point of fact, I actually am the boss of you now. Didn't you read the pre-nup?"

Thursday, February 09, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

"I'm just saying, I think we could come to some kind of arrangement if the ticket went away."

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

Kate Middleton Photos Photos - Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge during an official visit to receive an update on The Nook Appeal at EACH on January 24, 2017 in Quidenham, Norfolk.  HRH is Royal Patron of EACH (East Anglia's Children's Hospices) and launched The Nook Appeal in 2014. - The Duchess of Cambridge Visits East Anglia's Children's Hospice At Quidenham:
"I don't know if you're sick or if that's how you always look but stay back, I prefer not to catch it."

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

"There are too many witnesses here for me to punch you in the face, but I'd still take two steps back if I were you."

Monday, February 06, 2017

Friday, February 03, 2017

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

Kate Middleton et le prince William, comtesse et comte de Strathearn en Ecosse, ont pu découvrir le Discovery lors de leur première visite officielle à Dundee le 23 octobre 2015, en lien avec les activités de la duchesse de Cambridge dans le domaine de la santé mentale des enfants. Manteau : Christopher Kane:
"Really? That's so sweet but I don't actually want your country. 
It's too small."

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Monday, January 30, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

Duchess Kate: Bubbles & Balloons: George & Charlotte Steal the Show at Children's Party:
"You can have it back as soon as you call me Your Royal Highness, Queen Mummy."

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

"There's no need to repeat yourself, darling. I ignored you perfectly the first time."

Monday, January 23, 2017

Royal Caption Slam

Catherine Duchess of Cambridge at Wimbledon. July 7 2016:
"She asked if I could pick up the check and I just laughed and laughed."

Friday, January 20, 2017

Thursday, January 19, 2017