According to the most reputable gossip mongers online, Tom Cruise has signed Katie Holmes up for a Buff Brides program to get her in shape for their nuptials. You might remember that Katie gave birth to the poorly-named Suri just two weeks ago. Katie's father had this to say: "My daughter needs rest, relaxation, and recuperation. Katie is already doing exercises to build up her back and shoulders and I simply can't go along with what's happening."
Watch it, Mr. Holmes. You don't want to get on Crazy Tom Cruise's bad side. He might he eat your brain. Like he did with your daughter.