Monday, September 17, 2007

Emmy Slam 2007

I've got a time crunch sort of thing going on right now so rather than be my catty little self I'm going to just separate the goods into three categories and then add one or two comments if the spirit moves me.

First Category - Dresses that were Pretty Boring:

What was with all the black this year? Also, what was with all the strapless this year? It just goes on and on.

Ellen Pompeo almost ended up in the next category based on her hair alone.

Rachel Griffiths got a little funky with her hemline but in the end it was still a black strapless.

This too almost ended up in worst but Mariska's been good to me in the past so I'm willing to overlook the linebacker shoulder caps and fringy belt that just keeps on giving.

Kyra Sedgwyck also had some fringe that needed to be pruned...overall it's not terrible but black? Why?

White strapless is a little better, but not much.

Sally Field added some color and a layer of ruffles at the bottom, which would have been great if the bodice so didn't look much like a tube top.

This is a little bit better but the raised hem is just bad. It reminds of the dress Nicole Kidman wore to one of these events. A little Chanel number with feathers stuck all down the bottom. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. Also, the boning looks really uncomfortable.Kristen Bell: working the Bitchface.

Ali Larter: Wearing almost exactly the same dress.

Second Category - Dresses that were Pretty Bad:

Spillover + feathers = an actress of a certain age. Normally I adore Vanessa Williams but this seems beneath her.

One word: ew.

Two words: pajama party?
Usually I am so totally on board with what the Queen wears. Not so here. When you're a big girl I know it's not often easy to find clothes that fit right and look good. Designers aren't flocking to your side begging to style you. However, if at all possible you should steer clear of anything that emphasizes your ... how shall we say ... gut. Maybe it's just the cut of the dress, or the angle of the camera but...yikes.

Mindy, honey, why? You're pretty! You could have worn something nice. I just ... I don't understand.

When did it become fashionable to freak out the night before, pull down the curtains hanging in the guest bedroom and stay up all night sewing your Emmy gown yourself?

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

The first time I looked at this picture I totally thought it was Kate Hudson. Turns out it's Becki Newton from Ugly Betty who is almost always impeccably put together. What happened here, Becki? And why do you spell Becki with an 'I'? It bothers me.

If Elvira turned matronly this is what she might wear to an awards show.

Third Category - Dresses that were Pretty Awesome:The Hatch doesn't often end up on this particular list (best dressed), but in this case she did a heck of a job. Kudos, Ter.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, looking awesome, as usual. The woman never misses.

McSteamy's wife was originally on the boring list, but I like the off-the-shoulder look. It's far better than the generic strapless, and it drapes in kind of a cool way.

See, THIS is how you dress when your full-figured. Sara Ramirez has AGAIN pulled out all the stops and shown up looking absolutely smokin'.

Rashida Jones is understated and lovely.

Lisa Edelstein, sexing up the red carpet.

I love the sweeping neckline and the color of this dress but if Kate Walsh loses any more weight we'll need a tweezers to help her out of it. The wedding is over Kate. Stop with the diet already. We're officially worried.

I'm not a big fan of yellow (mostly because I can't wear it - curse you, Yellow!) but Minnie looks gorge. The whole look is perfect.

Katherine Heigl in less color than I'd have preferred but at least it interesting-looking.

I love the straps on this emerald gown of Lorraine Bracco's but she either needs more eye make up or less ... donuts.

Judith Light: I know! Yeah, I never expected to be invited back to the Emmy's, either! Isn't it great? Tony Danza can suck it!

Helen Mirren looking regal in this deep purple number. I love how she always looks poised, no matter what.

Edie Falco looking totally smokin'.
Warning: if you say one bad thing about Felicity Huffman's outfit she will snap you like a twig, which is why I love it. The color, the folds, the rosette and the draping, it all works. I kind of wish she'd put on a little weight, too, though.

This was hard. I love what Portia's wearing and I like what Ellen's wearing. I almost moved them into bad, though, because that necklace of Ellen's looks like they were about to walk out the door when Portia tipped her head to one side and said, "You know, I just think it needs...this." as she dropped the tassel from one of their living room curtains over Ellen's head.

Confession: I've loved Constance Zimmer ever since that ridiculously bad sitcom Good Morning Miami. I love that she's become a regular on Entourage. I love that she's all grown up and with someone and totally having a baby. I love what she's wearing.

I kind of hate it, though, when pregnant women at these awards shows cup their bellies as if to say, "I am with child, okay? Do not even try to say I'm fat or I will kill you. It will be on, do you understand? Are we clear? Good."

And my best friend and soul mate, Ugly Betty. America Fererra could so easily have ended up on the boring list but she added a zsa-zsa little belt that I could eat with a spoon. You go, America! You go.

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