Tuesday, July 22, 2008

An Open Letter to Eli of Eli's Pizza, Elizabeth, NJ

Dear Eli,

Why do you do this to me? You know I can't be trusted with garlic bread and yet when I order it with my Caesar Salad you deliver it.

What is wrong with you?

Do you know what I did to that poor garlic bread today? I tore off the crusts and ate the soft garlic-y and buttery middle on, like, almost half a loaf! Half a loaf!

And then I took the crusts and dipped them in the leftover dressing (which you did, like an angel, put on the side of the salad and for that, at least, I'm grateful) and ate, oblivious to the crumbs which gathered in the corners of my mouth, until I thought I might burst.

It's high time you take responsibility for your actions. Or at least take the garlic bread off the menu.


P.S. I think your croutons could be bigger.


Joy said...

That is SO hilarious.

But I hope MP doesn't read it.

mp said...

I am salivating. You suck.

Da Old Man said...

I hate when they do that. The local place by me insists on putting home made bread in with every order.
Hot, fresh baked bread. It should be illegal.

Kristen said...

ugh. I've been on a diet for a month to fit into a too-snug bridesmaid's dress for my sister's wedding on 8/08. And at then end of the night I'm going to unzip that dress and fall face first into the leftover wedding cake.

Kate said...

you go, Kristen. Face first, mouth open, baby.

Brian said...

thats cool cause now you wont be as likely to call me garlic breath! good thing they dont serve it at sunset or we would be one smelly bunch... Fun, funny and a great group to hang with... but really smelly!

Becky said...

You're the best. haha. Come hang with us ASAP!!!

And just enjoy the friggin bread. Better to be fat and happy than thin and miserable.

Lindsay said...

This made me laugh and made me hungry! Garlic bread sounds so good.

Miss ya!