The Bafta Slam is going to be quick this year because I could only find one dress that I didn't hate. And so, without further ado, let's get our hate on:
Vera Farmiga. The dress is unflattering, okay? It looks like it's eating her waist for lunch. Also, the circa Civil War (ours, not yours, you Brits!) is so NOT doing her face any favors. And finally, the acres of fabric on her shoulder is just too drippy for words. Two thumbs down.
Kristin Stewart. Is it me, or does this dress make her look like she's got one ginormous fat-roll going across her ribs? Also, Kristin, it's really fun to wash your hair before a big event. Just sayin'. Two thumbs down.
Audrey Tatou. Oh, how I loved you in Amelie. And oh, how I hate you in this dress. The color is good and I like the concept of the drapey fabric but dude, you're a skinny girl! And this dress makes you look like the opposite! Two thumbs down.
Kate Winslet. Doing her best Juliana Margulies impression. Seriously, does anyone else think girlfriend's had some work done? Around the eyes maybe? I'm digging the dress but it seems a bit dull. I guess, in comparison with the above, I should be happy, though, so I'm only going to give it one thumb down.
Carey Mulligan. I've been told that Carey is the next big thing. She's the new IT girl and she's fantastic. I've been ignoring her because ever since her hit movie An Education came out she's been showing up for stuff in dresses that I wouldn't necessarily call "pretty" or "flattering" or "livable". I can't ignore her any longer, though, so here's her dress at the Baftas. Not bad, considering. It shows off her lovely collar bones and it's semi-flattering. I don't understand the window cut into the skirt to show off her legs, though. Actually, not only do I not understand it, but I want it to stop. One thumb down.
Gabourey Sidibe. This girl has AGAIN found a dress that suits her, fits her, looks great against her skin and is as fresh and young as she is. Damn. Two thumbs up. Best is show.
So that's my mini-slam. See you back here for the Oscars and everything else in between. Until then, remember your three Cs: Color, cut and couture. Everything else is bubkus.