Monday, August 30, 2010

Emmy Slam 2010

Welcome to the 2010 Emmy Slam!

I'm on vacation this week and I'm feeling a bit like slacking off so although I've separated the pics into categories, I haven't actually moved them into different piles, so when you scroll down you have to read the comment to find out what I thought. Hint: if you're lazy like me, just look at the last word in the comment and you'll know.

The catories are: Win! Fail! Eh.

Shall we start?

Anna Paquin, looking like something out of an Anne Rice novel. Serioulsy, I think you're a bit too into the Vamps, Anna. The metalic gold against the soft satin black just doesn't do it for me. The bodice looks like it might hurt for God's sake. And I don't really like the lift in fabric at the front. I looks like it might have been done at the last minute to make the look softer but it's not working. Fail. Worst in Show. It's strange to have the worst in show at the very beginning but, hey, I don't make the rules, I just follow them, okay? Worst In Show.

Christina Hendricks is lovely in lavendar. Or is she? I'm not completely loving the contrast between this beautiful pastel and her dark red hair. It could be worse, I suppose, but this just isn't a win for me. Eh.

Cheryl Hines lools amazing. Wow. On the heels of the recent breakup with her husband, Chery is just gorgeous in this. It fits perfectly, the color is great against her skin and her hair, make up and accessories are just right. Win!

Dianna Argon, looking a bit too much like a Katie Scarlett O'Hara wannabe. Not at all digging this look. White lace over black is almost never a good idea. Added to that not so good idea are yards of ribbon? No. I love the bodice but the rest of it is a Fail!

Edie Falco, looking twice her size in what should be a slimming black. Or is that navy? Apparently navy was the color of choice this year. Where is your waist, Edie? Yeah, it's way down there, isn't it? And where should it be? Exactly, up about three or four inches. Fail!

Eva Longoria looks dashing as ever. Unfortunately, I'm falling asleep in my chair just looking at this. Make an effort, Eva. Granted, your hair and earrings are very pretty, as is your clutch. I just don't think you needed to settle for black. Eh.

Lauren Graham. Perhaps it's my love for the Gilmore alum, but I must admit that I love this on her. It's very different, and a little out-there, but also very flattering and not your run-of-the-mill snooze-fest (I'm looking at you, Eva Longoria). It's draped perfectly to flatter a small waist and I love her hair, jewelry and that not so small hint of leg. Win!

Lea Michele, also in navy blue. This is pretty awesome. Eva Longoria, you could stand to take a few notes from Miss Michele over here. The dress is great, I really like her accessories, and though I think her hair is a bit more wind-swept than I'd prefer I have to give her full marks. Win!

Wanda Sykes, one of my very favorite comedians, looks smashing in this one-shouldered golden gown. I love the color, I love that she's kept her accessories and hair simple (the dress is loud enough!) and I love that she looks like she's having a great time. Win!

Aaron Paul, looking awesome with his Emmy. Okay, I know, I know. I'm not supposed to put men up here, but he gave an amazing (AMAZING) performance on Breaking Bad this year (If you're still not watching it, you need to go rent it immediately) and he so deserved to win and here he is looking fantastic! Congrats, Aaron! The Beast and I love you!

Tina Fey, darling, I'm not completely sure about this. Remember the lesson Dianna Argon taught us about white lace over black? Well, black lace over white seems just as difficult to pull off. Yet, here you are, totally pulling it off. I'm not sure I love your hair but the dress is doing so much that I have to give you a Win!

Toni Colette, walking around with a meadow on her dress. Seriously, Ton? Because, no, I don't think so. The top is boring, and the bottom is disturbing which makes the whole thing a Fail!

Sofia Vergara looks fantastic in this. The color is great against her skin tone and the silhouette is phenom. I don't love that her hair is basically two giant sausage rolls down either side of her face (makes me think of Tacy from the Besty-Tacy books. Anyone else with me on this?) but I'd say this is a big Win!

Rita Wilson. What the hell? No really, what the hell? You look like you cut holes for your head and arms in a pillow case, then had someone custom make one of those wine bottle gift things that you drape down over to decorate when you give someone wine as a present. I have no idea what's going on with your shoes but rest assured I don't approve. Fail!

Padma Lakshmi, looking good enough to eat (see what I did there? pretty clever, no?), except for that ridiculous necklace. Is it a dreamcatcher? Armor from an ancient Native American tribe? Beads you found in an antique store? Whatever they are, they're ruining your look. Even with your messy hair this would have been a Win if it weren't for that necklace. As it is, I'm doing you a favor and just saying Eh.

Naya Rivera (I think that's how you spell her name, apologies to the right people if not), looking hot as a tamale. I could do without her rather aggressive hair but I am seriously digging her emerald green gown. The bodice is extra long which creates a great silhouette and the poof at the bottom is lots of fun (and all that leg is lots of sexy!). Extra points for that brooch clipped to the top of the slit. Win!

Maura Tierney, in a coral strapless, is not what I'd call super hot, but girlfriend just kicked cancer's ass so I'm going to give her a pass. She looks happy, healthy and pretty damn beautiful in this dress.

Mindy Kaling. I'm of two minds on this dress. It's not my dream dress for her, but it's SO much better than anything I've ever seen on her that I'm going to let it go. I think her hair is also on the aggressive side, but it's not awful. The bodice looks like the top part of a gift bag, with tissue paper spilling out, hiding what's underneath, and the skirt is so big and pretty and fun that I sort of wish I could get one just for myself in royal blue. Which makes me realize that until now I didn't even really think of this as boring old black. Win!

Keri Russell. Seriously, this isn't a garden party in the Hamptons, okay? A single layer of chiffon just doesn't cut it. I mean you look pretty and everything but this is not Emmy material. Eh.

Kyra Sedgwick, in dress that could only be more boring if it were black. It's like she put on someone's old carpet or something. And her hair? Can someone loan her a brush, please? Eh.

Kelly Osbourne, looking absolutely stunning in a dress that doesn't seem boring even though it's boring old black. On the other hand, the peroxide is not nice and please, dear god, have a sandwich. Or ten. With fries. Win!

Kathy Griffin, in basic black with a hint of white in there. Gotta be honest with you guys, I don't hate this. It looks just like everything else she's ever worn (skin-tight, spaghetti straps, to the floor) but I actually really like this one. Win!

Jenna Ushkowitz (not even gonna pretend I got close on that name), is stunning in this scarlet gown. I really like how different it is from all the form fitting, corsetted frocks out there this year. It's soft and flowing but still slimming. And I love her hair, jewelry and accessories. Win!

Jayma Mayes, also in navy blue. I really want to like this but I'm asleep already. At least her hair is cute and I like her accessories. Eh.

Jane Lynch, looking great in this purple. I love it. And I love her hair and jewelry. Win!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Help me out here, Jules. Is that swatch of fabric see-through or is is just shiny enough to make it SEEM like it's see through? Because either way I'm thinking about your rib cage right now and I don't want to be. Also, boring black. And also? I've seen this on you before. Eh.

Jane Krakowski. I like this but I don't love it. If the designer had left off that big gaping pile of fabric on her left hip I think I'd be a lot happier all around. I know it's supposed to match the smaller gaping pile of fabric on her right shoulder but it just doesn't work for me. Eh.

January Jones looks stunning. I've never been a fan of her crazy Frank Lloyd Wrong designed bodices but this one I didn't even notice becuse of the color and the cut and the hemline/train of this gown. I kind of love it. I also love that her hair is left long but it's not all in her face. I'd say this is a huge Win!

Jenna Fischer, like Maura Tierney, is in a floor-length strapless coral gown. Unfortunatley, Maura, twice Jenna's age and a brand-new cancer survivor is pulling it off way better than Jenna. I guess my big problem with this dress is that it's not super shapely. It looks like Jenna's going to make a prego announcement in the next week or so. Also, her hair is down and completely in her face. Like she forgot to do it or something what with being so preoccupied with announcing the baby to the world. Fail.

Jennifer Carpenter is smoking hot. Normally I'm not a huge fan of these over the shoulder dresses (tan lines can be so uncooperative) but this is really great. It's sleek, it's gives her a great silhouette, it verges on basic black but then takes a detour through Spangle City, and her hair is great. Win!

Julie Bowen. Can I just call this a Fail or do I have to give you the list of reasons? Okay, fine. First, what is that bodice all about? It's like the designer had some extra fabric lying on the floor so he picked it up and stapled it haphazardly all along her front. Second, I don't understand what's going on with the ruffles at her hips. Julie, honey, unless you're very very sure about what your body is going to look like with extra width in the hip area, I'd stear clear of adding ruffles. Fail.

Heather Morris is in the Jennifer Carpenter camp. She's bringing the over-one-shoulder spangled look to Awesome Town and she's staying the night. I love the black band at her waist to break up the sparkle and I love her soft curls. I think the dress could have been hemmed a bit more but other than that she looks perfect. Win!

Heidi Klum. Serioulsy, Heidi? You get best dressed here one year and you think you can show up in half a dress? One that's got yards of extra fabric at the hip? Look, I like you so I'm not going to Fail it altogether but it's definitely an Eh.

Glenn Close is rocking this golden gown. What is it about Glenn Close that makes her choose a fabulous outfit ever single year. I don't think I've ever panned anything she's worn. Amazing, no? Anywho, this strapless gold dress could have been on the boring side, but I don't think it is. I like how the fabric wraps across her body. I like her hair, which is also down but styled and not in her face. I like that her accessories are minimal. I'd say this is a Win!

Elisabeth Moss looks absolutley perfect. The dress is a dangerous color because we all know what happens when you choose a dress that matches your skin. Yet, this works on her. If anything it makes her skin look even more delicate and porcelain. I love the folds and extra fabric trailing down. I love the slight train. I love her hair and accessories. I think this is a Big Win. In fact, I think this is Best in Show.

Claire Danes. I sort of don't really believe the Interweb that this is Claire Danes. It totally doesn't look like her does it? I mean, whoever she is, she looks great, which is nice for her. The dress is rather dull as just a straight, strapless column, and her hair is down but at least styled. I don't know what it is that makes me what to give this an Eh, but it's just not Win material, you know? So, Eh.

Amber Riley. You guys, I love Amber Riley, but this is the same freaking dress that Jennifer Hudson wore to the Oscars a few years ago. Does anyone else remember? I think it was a different color but seriously, do the designers only have one or two styles that they tromp out for busty ladies with hips? I'm kind of disappointed. I think it's doing for Amber exactly what it did for Jennifer and that was not super flattering to the bust area. Seriously, they look like torpedos that could go off at any moment. Sorry, Amber, I love you but this dress was not a friend and whoever helped you pick it out was not a friend. Fail.

Amy Poehler is looking great. Mere weeks after giving birth to her second son, she's kicking it in a form-fitting pale blue number. It's not perfect, but it's damn good. Her hair is very cute and her man is even cuter. Win!

Angela Kinsey, like her Office-mate, Mindy Kapoor, made me forget temporarily that this was black. For that alone she gets a Win but let's review the evidence: The bodice is so fluid and pretty and that leads down to a silhouette that is the very definition of hour-glass. She is stunning and the train at the bottom is just the icing on the cake. Her hair looks great and she looks happy. Win!

And that's it, possums. We hope you've enjoyed this edition of the 2010 Emmy Slam (aka find a celeb and make fun of her). Speaking of which, Paris Hilton! You guys! Might be going to jail! I feel like Christmas came early this year.

And on that note, I'll leave you. Remember: color, cut and coutour. Also, black might be safe but it's also wicked boring.



Jilliebeanie said...

TOTALLY agree that Elizabeth Moss stole the show! Just started on the first season of Mad Men and am not crazy about her character (maybe later?), so it was a pleasant surprise for me to see her rockin' a look like this!

Joan said...

Again - great job, Kate! I thought Lea Michelle looked spectacular, but didn't like the Moss old sheer curtain wrap look. Ms Jones had a difficult time when presenting on stage keeping the front of the dress down.