Tuesday, January 21, 2014

SAG Slam 2014

Two in a row, darlings!  Don't you just love Award Season?  The smell of designer makeup and hair spray always make me giddy!

 Amy Adams
I love this color on her.  I love the cut-outs and I love the belt.  Her hair is very Old Hollywood glamour-girl, and she looks poised and comfortable.  Fabulous look.

 Anna Chlumsky
I feel like this was great in theory but not so great in execution.  The bodice doesn't appear to fit her very well.  Or is it me?  And the excess rumples of fabric across her abdomen are distracting and make me wonder if she asked for that extra fabric in case they stopped at the In-n-Out Buger on the way to the show.

 Betsy Brandt
This looks like upholstery fabric.  Marie needs to shoplift herself some better duds.

 Camilla Alves
Normally I would ignore Camilla because I think of her as a model rather than an actress, but we've been watching True Detective staring her hubs and his performance has been so gut-wrenchingly awesome that I thought I'd throw her a bone.  First, I love the color. So few people can pull off canary yellow, but she's totally doing it.  I love the waterfall of fabric, and the rich folds accompanying it.  The bodice looks a little bit stiff compared to the fluidity of the skirting but I can live with it.

 Cate Blanchett
I don't even really have words.  I want to say, "What the hell?" but I feel like that's a pretty trite thing to say about something so bad.  Let's just leave it at this: Unflattering and overdone.

 Emilia Clarke
It's so weird to see her as a brunette when we all know her as the silver-blonde Dany, Mother of Dragons (spoiler alert!).  Aside from her hair being distracting I have to say this gown is falling a bit flat.  It doesn't seem to fit her very well nor does it seem like it would be flattering if it did.  The one shouldered sleeve is fine but I don't think the cap matches the rest of it.  It seems ...just weird.

 Edie Falco
Okay, this is way better than the travesty that was her Globes outfit.  Mr. Fezziwig is long gone.  Unfortunately, this fabric looks like it might once have been drapes.  Dickens or drapes, Falco?  You can do better.

 Elisabeth Moss
This is nice.  It's not setting my world on fire but it good.  It could be a lot worse (see Emma Thompson)

 Emma Thompson
Okay, I'm going to just go ahead and give her a pass on the shoes.  Do I hate them?  YES.  But she's an old broad and I get that shoes can often be the most painful part of any outfit. (On the other hand that's why you can bring more than one pair of shoes with you and wear dresses that cover your feet so no one will know you've changed.  Just sayin'.)  The dress? Is god-awful.  What in the hell is that thing appliqued to the top?  I wish it were gone.  I wish it were gone and in it's place a beautiful brooch.  Or a diamondy necklace.  Or even nothing.  Nothing would be better than this.  Finally, the hemline.  I don't understand what is happening with this hemline, and I never want to.

 Gretchen Mol
I always forget how young Gretchen is.  She plays Gillian on Boardwalk Empire with such world-weariness.  This is interesting.  I like the draped folds of fabric and I think the bodice is kicky and even a little sporty while still matching the rest of it and staying in line with the gravitas of the evening.

 Hannah Simone
I like this but I don't love it. The flowering neckline is a bit much.  I feel like it's going to be tickling her chin all night long.

 Holly Hunter
Look at those arms.  You know she waits all year for an awards show and when her stylist offers a long-sleeved...or any sleeved, let's be honest...she's all, "Bitch, please.  Suns out, guns out."  I mean, this woman is in her 50s and she's basically still got the body of a 30-year-old.  Which means she can still fill out a dress like nobody's business.  Rock on, Holly.

 Helen Mirren
I busted Betsy Brandt and I have to bust you, too, Helen.  This looks like upholstery fabric.

 Julie Bowen
My first impression: Hideous.  And I stand by it.  She's giving Holly Hunter a run for her money in the arms department, though.

 Jennifer Garner
She looks amazing, but then she always does.  I really like that she's kept it simple and sleek.

 Jennifer Lawrence
This is head and shoulders above the Globes dress. She looks fabulous.

 Juliette Lewis
It's not often you see Juliette on the red carpet anymore and that's a shame.  I feel like she took my favorite Hawaiian shirt and turned it into a beautiful gown.  This is tropical and fun and so beautiful.  I normally hate gowns with flowers on them but this is fantastic.

 Julia Roberts
I feel like maybe this clashes with her hair.  You know when you've had so many different hair colors you can't remember which colors go with your current 'do?  This is okay but it's really not doing it for me.

 Kerry Washington
Is this bare-mid-drift real?  Didn't we just see her in maternity wear?  How does she suddenly look not pregnant?  Aside from my normal objections over two-tone gowns and bare mid-drift anything, I gotta say, she looks pretty awesome.

 Lena Headey
Another Game of Thrones Queen who looks nothing like her character.  I don't know if it's the very unflattering picture/smile or if it's the dress but I am not totally loving this.

 Lupita Nyong'o
Once again, she's chosen a color that makes her skin absolutely glow.  I just wish she'd had someone rip off the excess weeds.

 Michelle Dockery
Lady Mary has looked better.  The Frank Lloyd Wrongness of this dress cannot be denied but the thing really making me cringe is the vee neck so plunging the seams look ready to burst.

 Mindy Kaling
Hey!  It's my bestie, Mindy!  And she looks fab!  Sure, she could have gone with a more structured hair-do, which would have prevented fly-aways and weird neck curls but the dress is great.  I love the belt and the way the fabric drapes over it and through it.

 Meryl Streep
I have very little say about this except for the fact that it looks like something she wore to an awards show in the 80s and yet it's still kind of working for her.  Amazing, right?

 Sandra Bullock
Cue the round of applause for Sandy!  This is an awards show dress.  I knew you had it in you!  Sleek and fit and fun and even metallic.  And the color is glorious.  Hallelujah!

 Laura Carmichael
Get the calendar.  This is the first and perhaps only time in history that Lady Edith has looked better than Lady Mary.  I heard recently that the dressers on Downton Abbey must purposely dress Edith badly.  Or maybe they light Edith badly.  Because Laura is SO much prettier than Edith.  anyway, I love this dress.  It's modest but with a touch of sex.  It's sleek with a touch of some folds.  It's fitted but not skin-tight.  And the color is wonderful.  She should always wear champagne.

 Sofia Vergara
Is it just me or is this unflattering?  I don't know how it's possible but maybe she finally ran out of skin-tight strapless dresses that work for her.  Or maybe it's just the cut and design of the fabric.  Huh.  Something to think about.

Tina Fey
What's the best accessory ever?  Your adorable child all dressed up for her first awards show.  Tina looks great.  Totally glam but not overdone.

And now it's that time, Possoms!


 Claire Danes
Yikes. There's literally too much going on here.  The blue sequins, the tulle, the white drapey fabric, and the black drapey fabric.  I officially hate this so much I want to banish her from all the land.  Yes, all the land, I say!


 Anna Gunn
Slam-bangin'-AMAZING.  This woman takes all the shit thrown at her and it just rolls off her back.  She looks fantastic.  What a great color on her.  I love the sequins, I love the neckline, I love that there's just the tiniest bit of tulle.  She looks confident and happy and I love it.

Updated to add the fabulous clutch!!!  (And I just noticed her earrings, which are divine!)

And that's the show, kids!  See you next time!

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