Monday, January 11, 2016

Globes Slam 2016

Hello, Chickens!!!

Can you believe it's Globes time again!? Are you ready to take it all in?  Overall, I'm pretty disappointed with the whole lot of them this year (so many lips that needed color! So many dresses that needed color!) but there were a few that really stood out.  Shall we?

 Amy Adams
This is really nice and simple with the dripping applique of beads running from her waist down her leg.  The neckline is unconventional and interesting. I don't love the tomato-y color but it oddly doesn't clash with her hair.  If only it clashed with her lippy but alas it doesn't look like she's wearing any.  For shame, Amy.

 Angela Bassett
I like everything about this except for how slouchy the bodice seems.  It looks like she lost a lot of weight recently and didn't have time to have it refitted.

 America Fererra
The color is great and it's interesting and different but the studs are tripping me up. I sort of wish the designer had left well enough alone.

 Amanda Peet
When will you stop mocking me? I know you're doing this on purpose to make my eyes bleed but the joke is on you - I shall look away!

 Amy Shumer
Okay, I love this woman, but this dress makes her look like a penguin. I wish it had been all one color and any other color but black or white.

 Brie Larson
This looks like someone designed an ice dancing costume with Princess Leia's slave girl outfit in mind.
 Calista Flockhart
This looks like the dress she wore to her eighth grade father-daughter dance.

 Eva Green
She looks like she just discovered she's wearing an over-sized doily. I'd be pissed, too.

 Eva Longoria
The HELL? I almost have no words for this.  The keyhole bowtie is bad enough but the hip-weeds!  Who told you that would be a good idea and why aren't they fired already?

 Gina Rodriguez
Great color, pretty cut and design, but I looks like she might not be able to breath very well.

 Jamie Alexander
At first I liked it and then the camera started panning out and I kept thinking, "Why so geometrical? Feeling mathy?"  I really love the green but the shapes are distracting.

 Joanne Froggatt
I think she didn't win because viewers are a little sick of the will they-won't they (go to jail) drama of Mr. & Mrs. Bates.  I like the color of this frock but I don't love the bodice - it looks like they took it straight from Kristi Yamaguchi's closet.

 Jennifer Jason Leigh
I think she didn't win because not enough people like Quentin.  I wish this had been a color. And I wish the belt was laying correctly.  And I wish the fabric wasn't stretched across her hips.  In short, I wish this was a better dress.

 Jennifer Lawrence
This is a pretty cool dress, but I don't love the choker. At least she's wearing lipstick, though, right?

 Julianne Moore
This isn't doing it for me. She looks like an Amish woman who wanted to get a little blingy by adding sequins to her floor-length, long-sleeved night dress.

 Heidi Klum
Since is it legal to kill and skin Muppets for fashion?

 Kate Winslet
Gorgeous; great fit, great color, great neckline.

 Lady Gaga
Channeling Marilyn? Because I think it's all working great.  Not a steak in sight!

 Leslie Mann
Wow, I hate this so much. What's with all the weeds growing out of her waist downward?  Henry Higgins would be appalled.

 Malin Ackerman
Sometimes peplum looks great.  And sometimes peplum looks like this.

 Maura Tierney,
The gathering at the bodice is great but I really wish this had been one color or another.  Two tone dresses look so unfinished.  As do faces that are made up but for lipstick.

 Queen Latifa
Wow, excellent color, gorgeous neckline.  Cheers to her for making some good choices.

Taylor Schilling
I guess I mostly like this but it's nothing outstanding or spectacular, just full of cleavage.

 Cate Blanchett
Is that fringe?  She looks like a fancy lampshade.

 Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Black lace?  Listen, you're not Kate Middleton.  Lace makes everyone else on earth look elderly, okay?  Even as a strapless gown.  Elderly.

Kate Hudson
First, the color is terrible. Second, if you really need to show off your abs there's a time and a place, like the gym, or the beach, or your couch.  Not a formal awards show.

Lily James
Well, she's wearing white but she's managed not to look like a bride, so kudos to her.  I like the asymmetrical neckline and I like the floatiness of the whole thing but for some reason I'm not loving the overall effect. I wish it had been emerald green.

 Jenna Dewan Tatum
Nice but does cleavage automatically equal style? (Men, don't answer that.)  The design is pretty and I like the color at least.

 Melissa McCarthy
I really want to like this but I just don't and I can't put my finger on why.

Natalie Dormer
This is oddly militant.  The juxtaposition between the flowy skirt and very structured bodice seems off.  Perhaps if the collar hadn't been there...

 Alicia Vikander
Why is she wearing a glorified apron?

 Kate Bosworth
I like the rose color of this dress but I wish the beading had gone all the way up to her bodice.  The white flowers? The appliques? Whatever they are they don't work.

 Kirsten Dunst
I'll be honest, Fargo is on my all-time favorite show list and she'll always have a special place in my heart for her portrayal of sweet but crazypants Peggy Blumqvist.  Not loving this get-up, though.  What's with the string across her color bones?  I know there's a difference between form and function but this is just weird-looking.  It looks like something Morticia Addams might wear to spice things up a bit.

 Jane Fonda
She looks like one of those Barbie cakes that have a bodice and then a big round cake for a skirt.  Except here the big round cake is around her neck.


Maggie Gylenhaal
Sweet Baby Cambridge, WHEN are you going to finally invest in a stylist?  You look like you're wearing wall-paper!


 Rachel McAdams
Okay, this isn't as bad as Maggie Gyllenhaal.  It doesn't look like she's wearing wall paper.  It looks like she's wearing upholstery material.

Olivia Wilde
Great color and cut, not too vampy and nice jewelry. Full marks.

Viola Davis
She looks like the night sky and I would be okay with it if I thought it were on purpose.

Emilia Clarke
I take it back, THIS is what Morticia Addams would wear to spice things up a bit.  Someone's been channeling Cercei, am I right?

 Taraji P. Henson
Once again, wearing white turns into failed bridal sadness.

Uzo Adubo
I'm always a fan of bling but good lord head to toe?  With sleeves?  Seems a little matronly.

And now the moment you've all been waiting for!

WORST IN SHOW:


Rooney Mara
Since when is Refuge Chic actually chic?  Also, choosing a gown the same color as your skin is rarely a recipe for success.  Your lipstick cannot save you this time.

BEST IN SHOW
IT'S A TIE!!!


Jada Pinkett Smith
Wow, this is flat-out amazing.  The color is fabulous, the cut is interesting and gorgeous, the cape is dramatic and perfect.  The leg is straight-up glam, and her hair, make up and jewelry are perfect.


 Jennifer Lopez
Straight up amazing.  This is a really hard color to pull off and not only is she pulling it off, she's KILLING it.  At first I was just happy she was wearing clothes but the more I looked the more I loved!  Hair and make up are great and the matching bag and shoes put it over the top.

And that's it, possums, but don't worry, we're not finished yet - the Oscars are just around the corner!!!

Until then, wear your lippy and get a manicure.  Mwah!

#goldenglobes

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