Monday, September 17, 2018

Emmy Slam 2018

Okay, first of all, since when are the Emmy's on a Monday night?  This year more than any other I am distracted but I could have sworn it was always a Sunday ... or is that just the Oscars?  Ugh.

Color me surprised to be scrolling Facebook and see an ad to stream them via Hulu.  And I was like, wait, that date seems familiar.  Seems like today.  Today is the 17th.  Wait.  Oh, MAN.

Onward, though, yes?

 Amanda Peet
It's possible she's finally stopped trolling me.  Is this the best dress of all time? No.  Not even close.  But is it maybe the best thing she's ever worn?  Quite possibly.  Kudos and many thanks, Amanda.

 Alison Brie
This looks too much like a fancy one-piece posing as a bikini with a skirt tacked on as an afterthought.  Even the color is off; it's washing her out too much.

 Allison Janney
Okay, ladies, now this is how it's done.  The color is phenom, the cut is interesting, it fits her well, leg is just enough sex and her accessories are gorgeous.  Definitely a best in show contender.

 Amy Sedaris
I hate to admit it but I sort of love this.  With the exception of the weird clown shoes, she looks like an adorable little girl going to a party.  I'm not sure it's appropriate for the Emmy's but I really like it.

 Betty Gilpin
Take heart, Betty.  I'd be pissed off I were wearing this too.  Next time call me and we can find you a stylist, or maybe just the personal shopping department at Macy's.

 Connie Britton
The bathroom from the movie Garden State called.  She wants her dress/wallpaper back.

 Chrissy Metz
Great color, great fit, no wrinkles!  Good job, Chrissy!

 Claire Foy
You'll always be Queen Elizabeth in my heart but QEII would spit if she knew you wore dress shields without sleeves.  I mean, how sweaty could your armpits be?  Get it together, Claire.

 Chrissy Teigen
Fab as always.  I don't love the shoulder pad look but it's not the worst thing on the red carpet this year.

Ellie Kemper
I love almost everything about this dress, but the color is just terrible. If we've learned anything as grown up adult women, we know that we should not wear outfits that match our skin because then we look either washed out or naked or both and that's never a good thing.

Evan Rachel Wood
Very elegant but unfortunately also sort of like the angel of death. What are we in mourning for, Evan?

Felicity Huffman
Maybe it's all just attitude. Felicity Huffman is wearing almost exactly the same outfit as Evan Rachel Wood but her hair is down and she's smiling so she doesn't look like the angel of death. So much to think about.

Gwendolyn Christie
Someone call Scarlett O'Hara, Gwendolyn has stolen her favorite bathrobe.

Heidi Klum
This is awesome but I feel like I've seen it before about a million times. Nice try, Heidi.

Issa Rae
Okay, color me biased, but I love almost everything about this. Including Issa Rae herself. Are you watching Insecure on HBO? You should be. I love the color, I love the beading, I love that this is a long vest-cape. I don't even know why I like that part because normally I wouldn't, but I just do. If I have one criticism it is that the pants are hemmed too long. One or maybe two inches shorter to show off whatever gorgeous sandal she's got on would have been better. I also really love that her jewelry is totally understated. She looks like a badass. A delicate feminine flower of a badass. Which really, is everyone in goal, right?

Kristen Bell
Speaking of looking like a badass. Look at this woman wear white without looking even remotely bridal. I love the neckline, I love her lack of jewelry, I love her hair. It should look too severe but because she's wearing white it doesn't. I love it.

Kirsten Dunst
She looks so uncomfortable with her decolletage. The way that she's grasping her right hand makes me think she wishes that her neck line, like Issa Rae's hemline, we're two inches higher.

Keri Russell
Seriously Ker, why are you so upset? You look phenomenal, you're in a ton of feathers and sequins and you're not even a Rockette, and you're coming off a phenomenal run of a fabulous TV show. (Did you watch the Americans? If you didn't, go catch up.)  I'm not totally understanding the frowny face.

Leslie Jones
I think I can get on board with this pantsuit except the pants are a little wrinkly and again need to be hemmed. The jacket is totally badass.

Maya Rudolph
Another gigantic frown, and to be honest if I were wearing this dress I be pissed off too. How could you not be pissed off with puffed sleeves and a bubble skirt?

Michelle Dockery
Okay the stress is almost fabulous. The flowers are a distraction but if they had to be there I don't know why they had to be orange. Orange and blue don't always go well together and this would be the best example that I could point to to prove that that is a thing.

Megan Mullally 
I really, really want to like this but I don't. And I don't know that I can give you a good reason why I except that the giant petal across her front is really distracting. It makes me think she's been an extra on Game of Thrones and is bleeding out.

Millie Bobby Brown
Totally adorable and age-appropriate. No complaints.

Natasha Lyonne
She's a little young to be wearing a giant doily but I guess since it's red I should cut her a break, except I really hate it. Great hair though.

Rachel Brosnahan
This is okay, I like the color a lot but I'm not in love with the cut. I feel like she could have done better.

Rhea Seehorn
I love this, it's sleek, it's got that sweet Jackie O neckline, the train is just enough, and her jewelry is great.

Regina King
You know, I just today put together the fact that Regina's first name means queen, so her full name means Queen King. That being said I think I really love this dress. The color is perfect on her, her guns look amazing, the bodice is gorgeous and her jewelry is perfect. I have no complaints.

Sandra Oh
This is fabulous. It's so interesting to look at. The color is great, the access points are great, her hair and jewelry, it's all fabulous.

Samira Wiley
I love this. It's got to be heavy with all those sequins, but she's totally pulling it off. It's sleek and sophisticated and I love those little cap sleeves.

Sarah Paulson
Is she channeling Marsha Clarkson again? Why so angry? You look amazing even if the bodice is a little weird looking. So many feathers! Enjoy them!

Scarlet Johanson
This is technically perfect, but like Heidi Klum's dress I am so bored with it.

Tina Fey
Okay, this makes sense. Tina and Maya are really good friends so obviously Maya is frowny because she's upset about Tina's dress being THE WORST.

Thandie Newton
Completely gorgeous. The color is fab, the cut is perfect and it's dramatic in a really fun way.

Laura Dern
This looks like something Madonna rejected from the 80s as a little to prim and proper. I think it should be burned immediately.


Tatiana Maslany
If you're not already watching Orphan Black drop everything and go catch up! And then you will know what I mean when I say that she's clearly channeling Rachel tonight. I freaking love this outfit. The sashes work as sort of a half gown, the pants are hemmed perfectly, the sleeves are fun, and the color is so perfect.

And that's all she wrote, possums!  See you in a few months for more of the same and in the meantime, enjoy fall it's fullest extent - just as soon as it drops below 80 on the regular.  Ciao!

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